10 years, actually 11...

This weekend I went to my 10 year (actually 11, but that is a long story) high school reunion. Like so many other things, it seems that it was only yesterday but also a lifetime ago that I was in high school.

This event has caused me to do a lot of reflection about who I was then and who I am now. I am such a different person in many ways that it is almost like existing as two different people. I think this is normal. College, marriage, parenthood have all taken place in this third of my life (holy cow, I have lived 1/3 of my life since HS).

I am not sure what I expected going into this event. Joyful reunions and long talks about life in the past 10 years? A rowdy party? Awkward conversation? It was more of the last than anything.

I think most of the problem is that you cannot forget what people were like in HS. Other than facebook, sadly, I do not keep up with anyone from my graduating class. Therefore expectations of who they were and how they treated other people, and what I thought they would do/be exist, and spending 2 hours exchanging awkward conversation with someone you haven't seen in 11 years is going to do little to change that.

Don't get me wrong, there were people with whom I enjoyed talking. There were only about 35 out of 180 classmates there and to be honest I only talked to about 15 of them. There were lots of people who I wish had been there! We left after about an hour and a half which included taking a picture and drinking a glass of tea which we paid $25 a piece for (that was the cost to attend and we did not eat).

Part of me felt guilty for leaving after such a short time and not making an effort to speak to everyone I could. But there was little to say. I am not one for small talk.

Lots of the people who were there still live in the area, they talk and hang out regularly. They have been apart of each others' lives for 11 years and know who each other has become.

I didn't see who they had become. In the short time I was there my clouded eyes saw the immature people who I knew 11 years ago and I couldn't get past my judgments of them. I judged their actions and their clothes and their spouses and what they put in their mouths (way too much smoking!). I saw the girl who was always scowling in HS with a scowl on her face. Some were still loud. Some were still brash. Some were still snobs. Some who I expected to have a joyful reunion with, brushed me off, while others who I expected little from I enjoyed a great conversation with. But it was clouded with my judgment.

But there was no way to change these ideas in 105 minutes. There was no way for them to show me who they are and for me to show them who I have become.

This morning the song "Moving On" by Rascal Flatts came on the radio and this struck me...

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change

Maybe that is the thing with 10 year HS reunions. We won't allow each other to change. There is not time to see it, the faces are different physically but exactly the same...

I was worried that when I left people would think I was a snob... and I found irony in that. That was my biggest problem in HS. I spent the majority of my time consumed, obsessed even, with what people thought of me. And that is how I have changed. While I don't wish for anyone to think ill of me, I will not live my life worried about their perceptions of me, especially when they are likely as equally clouded as mine.

I wish blessings on those who I spent my childhood with because we share a lot of great memories that still make me smile. I am glad I went to my reunion. Maybe I will see you again in 10 to 11 years. :)